He's my What?
by Xx-silent-assassin-xX
Summary: Owen and Gwen recruit Tosh's help in a prank against Jack. It backfires on them though when it ends up affecting Ianto as well. Can Tosh set things right? Or are things ruined between the Captain and the tea-boy forever? *rated T because I'm paranoid*


**Hey everybody. This is just a little one-shot of an idea I've had for quite some time now, but never really got around to writing it… I wanted to get it up though, so I hope you enjoy. Oh! And I will be updating my stories soon. I just haven't had much time lately to be working on them, but they will be done soon! Enjoy~**

-TW-TW-

"Come on Tosh. Help us out."

"I can't. That seems kind of cruel."

"It's just a joke. Jack'll get a kick out of it."

"Gwen's right. We'll all have a good laugh."

"I don't... I don't think Ianto is going to find it very funny."

"So? Tea-boy needs to learn to loosen up some. C'mon. Trust me. It'll be fun."

"... All right. I'll help. But if Ianto gets mad, I'm putting all the blame on you and Gwen."

"Great! This'll be hilarious."

-TW-TW-

Tosh couldn't believe she was actually helping Gwen and Owen pull a prank on Jack. If they were caught, they were going to be in so much trouble. If they succeeded... Well, she just hoped that Jack was going to find it funny like Owen had said.

She wanted to back out of it before things went too far, but before she got the chance, Gwen approached her, Jack's wrist strap in hand. She had to push down the uneasy feeling that was growing in her stomach when the Welshwoman handed her the strap. Tosh forced a smile on her face as she turned back to her workstation.

This was something the three of them have been working on for quite a while now. Gwen's been testing to see if she could get the wrist strap in the first place by sneaking it when Jack was in the shower and Ianto was down in the Archives. So far, each time has been successful. It was because of this success that the other two were confident that this prank was going to be so successful. Tosh on the other hand... Well, she wasn't so sure. But it was too late to back out of it now, so she just had to keep pushing through.

Tosh finished her final modifications on the device; working quickly knowing Jack wasn't going to be in the shower for long. That, and Ianto was going to be coming up soon to get their dinner. Gwen was pacing anxiously by the workstation, sighing in relief when the wrist strap was handed to her. She hurried off to return it to where she found it before the Captain can notice it was gone.

Sure enough, the moment Gwen gets back and drops into her chair, Ianto comes up to get the food for their dinner. He heads up to the Tourist Office and comes back after about 5 minutes. The smell of Chinese fills the air and Jack comes out of his office, hair still wet from his shower.

Everyone headed up to the conference room so they could eat together. Ianto went off to make them coffee. Tosh shifted in her seat, an uncomfortable feeling growing in her stomach. She sat quietly, not wanting to contribute to the upcoming conversation if she didn't have too.

"I was talking with Rhys the other day and he was saying that he was able to track his family back for 8 generations. Of course, I didn't quite believe him, so he pulled out this family tree and pointed each one out. I was certainly amazed." Gwen said, taking her container of food and taking a bite. She always seemed to be the one who chose the topic of conversation. "So he asked me if I could and I was only able to go back 5 without looking at any tree."

Owen snatched up his food, taking a big bite. "That's better than what I can do. I can only go back 3." He glanced over at Tosh. "What about you Tosh? I bet you can get far."

Tosh shrugged, not really wanting to contribute, but knowing she had too. "I'm not sure... I never really thought about it." She was quiet for a second, thinking. "I'd say about 8 or 9."

Gwen smiled, pleased that the techie was going along with everything. She glanced over at Jack and put a curious expression on her face. "What about you? I'm sure you could go back forever."

Jack smiled as he flipped open his wrist strap and pressed a few buttons. "I don't really have to think. I can just take a quick look and see how far it recorded for me." He said, slightly smug. He gazed intently at the information displayed to him. The emotions on his face went from smug, to confusion, to horror. He flipped the strap shut, his entire body tense.

Ianto came in then, tray full of coffee cups which he set down in front of each member. He glanced over at Jack, a concerned look crossing his face for a moment before being put back in a look of indifference. He could tell something was off with the Captain, but he couldn't quite tell what. What could have possibly happened from the time the food got here to the time he came in with coffee?

Jack jumped out of his seat when Ianto moved closer, seeing his intent to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine… I just remembered some important paperwork to do. I'll eat in my office." With that, he snatched up his food and cup of coffee and fled from the conference room.

Ianto frowned slightly, but didn't say anything as he took a seat. He knew something had happened and he was determined to figure out what. He kept his gaze down, deep in thought. If he had lifted it, he would have seen Gwen and Owen trying so hard not to laugh and a guilty expression crossing Tosh's face.

-TW-TW-

The same cycle would go on for the next two weeks. Tosh watched as every time Ianto tried to figure out what it was that was bothering Jack, the Captain would slip away, making some excuse not to let the Welshman touch him. He just eventually stopped trying. She could see that each time the Immortal walked away, a hurt expression would cross her friend's face and it hurt her to watch. She hated seeing him in pain, and knowing that it was all because of her. She had to set this right somehow.

Tosh cast a quick look around later that day, spotting Gwen arguing with Owen about something at the entrance to the Autopsy Bay, Jack was up in his office and Ianto was on his way down to the Archives. Who should she go see to talk to? Jack or Ianto? Well… The prank was against Jack, even if Ianto was being hurt in the process, so she decided to go see the Captain first and have him work things out with his lover.

She brushed a strand of hair behind her hair and she nervously went up to the office. She knocked quietly and took a steadying breath before entering. She sat in the visitor's seat, shifting slightly. She didn't want to be a tattle-tale, but this really has been going on for far too long.

"What can I help you with Tosh?" Jack asked, leaning back in his seat. He wouldn't admit it, but he was kind of glad it wasn't Ianto who came in to see him yet again. Then he felt bad about that thought. He really did miss holding his Welshman in his arms, but things were kind of awkward between them right now. He wanted to fix things between them, but had absolutely no idea how.

Tosh shifted nervously again, not exactly sure how she should say this. Well… It was probably best to say it and get it over with. "You remember a few weeks ago when we talked about family trees over dinner?" She waited for Jack's nod, after all, how could he forget, before she continued. "Well… The thing is, Owen and Gwen had me help them work on a prank they've been planning for quite some time now. It was only meant to affect you and it's killing me that Ianto's being hurt because of it."

Jack frowned, crossing his arms. "What are you talking about?" He didn't like the thought of his teammates hurting his lover, intentionally or not, and he was going to punish them.

Tosh bit her lip, dropping her gaze for a moment before looking back up at him. "They had me rewire your wrist strap so that it'll display any information that we wanted you to see. I found your family line and… changed it to show that you were related to Ianto..." She admitted, filling with guilt. Her gaze dropped again. She didn't want to see any anger on Jack's face.

He was silent for a long moment, thinking over what she said. If that was true then Ianto wasn't…. Oh no. No! That meant he was treating his lover horrible for absolutely no reason. He felt even worse because he never did say what it was that was bothering him. "Do Gwen and Owen know you're telling me this?" he asked. She shook his head and he nodded. "All right then. Don't tell them. I'm going to go talk to Ianto and think of a punishment for them. You should technically be punished as well, but I don't think you really had much of a choice in the matter."

Tosh breathed a sigh of relief, so glad things were going to work out. That, and of course, not being punished. It wasn't her fault, after all. She stood and nodded, heading back down to her workstation. She watched as Jack headed down to the Archives, a small smile forming on her face. This was going to be interesting.

-TW-TW-

They were up in the conference room again a week later, going over the monthly reports. Ianto came in with his tray off coffee, a small smile on his face. He handed the mugs out and took his seat, taking a small sip of his own liquid heaven.

Jack, Ianto and Tosh all watched as Gwen and Owen took big drinks of their coffee, only to gag and spit it out. They tried not to laugh at the horrified expressions on their faces. Serves them right, to be honest.

"What the hell Jones? Why the bloody hell am I on decaf?" Owen demanded, standing up in his anger and crossing his arms.

"I think you already know Owen." Ianto said, calm as can be. He raised an eyebrow lightly as he took another drink.

"No! What'd we do wrong?" Gwen asked, trying to figure out what they did against Ianto to make him do this to them.

"Don't you know?" Jack asked, taking a big drink and held back the urge the noise of delight. The coffee was perfect, like always. "I seem to recall a prank you two pulled against me that turned me against him. That was the wrong thing to do." Even though the look on his face was angry, there was an amused tone to his voice.

Gwen and Owen paled slightly. Oh crap… He knew? How'd he figure it out? They're attention snapped over to Tosh, who was quietly drinking her coffee, obviously not on de-cafe, a small smile on her face. Before they could say anything to her though, Jack spoke again.

"As punishment for your prank, I'm putting Owen on Weevil duty for the next two months." Jack held up a hand to stop Owen from protesting and continued speaking. "Gwen, you get to clean Myfawny's nest for two months. No exceptions or excuses."

The look on his face silenced any protest from the two. They were caught and they knew that they brought this on themselves. That and it would do absolutely no good in arguing about it. It would just end up making the punishment worse.

"Oh, and you'll both be on de-café for those two months. You better bring your own coffee." Ianto said, standing up, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"WHAT?"

-TW-TW-

**There you go. I hope you all enjoyed my little one-shot. It has been in my head forever and was driving me crazy til I actually wrote it down. (I know I basically already said that, but I wanted to say it again). Review please! I really, truly do want to know what you thought about it.**

**I am currently working on the chapters to my other stories, but I'm not sure when I'll be able to get them up. I might be able to get at least one of them up sometime next week, but I'm not sure. It depends… Maybe if you review about the story, I might be encouraged to write faster. Okay… There's no maybe. I will be encouraged. The more reviews I get on any of my stories, the more I actually want to spend my time writing.**

**So…. I'm going to say it again, please review! I don't think I can say that enough. Please?**


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